Canouan - a successful flop?

Readers of the Telegraph - cast your minds back to October 17 2023. Remember the Headline in the Travel Section?

"What the Sussexes will find on the tiny, exclusive island of Canouan"

Of course the article went on to tell you what they'd find, but just in case you've forgotten, I'll summarise; they would have found not one, not two, but three, hugely successful, very exclusive, holiday complexes for the super rich to play in. The Sandy Lane Yacht Club, the  Mandarin Oriental and the Soho Beach House. Indeed, said the Telegraph, so successful have these resorts become, that they now threaten to usurp the nearby island of Mustique. Canuoan will be the place where Billionaires will go to escape mere Millionaires.

For those, 'not in the know', Mustique is the island where Harry's Great Auntie, Princess Margaret, used to have such a wonderful time with her chums.

Give me a break - what planet are they on? There's no chance, given what's actually going on, or rather, not going on at these exclusive resorts. 

I suppose if tax avoidance is the measure of success then perhaps someone is feeling pretty successful, but as of January 2024, the bizarrely named Sandy Lane Yacht Club and the equally weirdly named Soho Beach House, are in all other respects, complete and utter flops. There's no-one there. This is taking exclusivity to an entirely new level!

The Sandy Yacht Club includes a Marina of 120 berths for very posh yachts in a beautiful setting immediately next to the small airport. You've got to admire the developers, that was a stroke of genius. The guests and crews of the posh yachts will only have yards to walk (or more likely to be driven) from their private jets to their  super yacht moored in the marina. It opened in 2017 and is so exclusive that it's almost completey uncontaminated by yachts! 

Like most visiting non super yachts, we anchored in Charlestown Bay on the west coast. As it happens we're a few hundred yards off the waterfront of the Soho Beach House 

and so are ideally placed to witness all the comings and goings of the wealthy guests. Except, there aren't any. The place seems completely deserted! But I digress...

After walking through the very un-exclusive Charlestown ....

and enjoying an excellent good value lunch at the equally un-exclusive Pompeys...

... we headed across the narrow peninsula forming the southern end of the island, bound for South Glossy Bay.

After 20 minutes or so we came across the very imposing entrance to what turned out to be the Sandy Lane Yacht Club.

"Blimey that looks posh"we said as we walked up the drive towards the security gates. Would my Hooness Yacht Club  Membership card be accepted as proof of my priviledged status? I suspected not and given our recent experience on Mustique, we fully expected to be given our marching orders by the security guard. Not a bit of it, after waving us over, he gave us a broad smile and waved us through - it was almost as if Mr Desmond (the main money bags behind the enterprise) was expecting us! 

As we walked through the grounds, It became increasingly clear that the Sandy Lane Yacht Club was operating in a different dimension to Hooness Yacht Club. This was a very large estate with road signs pointing to different restaurants, bars, offices, shops, hotel, village and of course the marina. 

We followed the sign to the marina and after 10 minutes or so came upon it's northern perimeter. It seemed to go on for miles. We could just make out a substantial waterfront condo type village nestled under the Carriabean's very own Portland Bill in the distant at the other end of the marina.

As you can see these more remote berths were empty and so we continued onwards to very centre of the marina complex (which continued all the way round to the village behind the beach), where we found.....

... empty dock after empty dock after empty dock. There was in fact a grand total of 6 yachts in the 120 berth marina. It must have only just opened I thought, but no, my enquiry at the office revealed it opened in 2017. "But it's so quiet" I said. The young woman behind the desk smiled and replied, a little sheepishly I thought, "we haven't done much marketing yet"!

According to the Telegraph, the Yacht Club's exclusive marina is the missing link that has turbo charged the development of Canouan. It's clearly doing no such thing. December through to May is the peak sailing season in the Carribbean. If the marina is empty now it's going to be empty all year. The very few yacht crew we saw on their boats, looked as bemused as we felt. Very odd!

I'd gone into the office to enquire whether we could borrow two of what looked to me like curtesy marina bicycles propped up outside the office - so that we could explore the rest of the marina and the 'village' in the distance more easily. "Yes of course - just sign this form, they're usually 5 dollars but you got me on a good day"!

So we cycled to the village anticipating an expensive cold beer in cafe on a bustling water front.

"The village", with a view over the Atlantic Ocean to die for, and comprising holiday apartments and houses, was, with the exception of a couple of guys in a yacht charter office, completely deserted. No cafe or bar. Not a single soul was on holiday and there must have been a few hundred properties!

By now we were thoroughly non-plussed.

The Telegraph must have hired 'rent a crowd' for Harry and Megan to escape from!

Now then, where's Mr Desmond's tax return?